Prague — Day One

As I walked through the streets of Prague, I tried my best to blend in and not look like a tourist. “Think ‘oppressed’, Justin. Think ‘haggard’.”

I think I did a fairly good job, as several people stopped to ask me various questions in Czech. And I just cocked my head to the side, and said, “I have no idea what you are saying to me.” And then they would leave.

One guy stopped me and held out three coins.

“Blah blah blah,” he said.

“I do not know what you are saying to me.”

“Blah blah blah.” He held out the coins.

“You want to give me some money?”

“Blah blah blah.”

“You want money from me?”

“Blah blah blah blah blah blah BEER.”

“You want me to give you money so you can buy beer.”

“Blah blah blah! Blah blah blah! Beer!”

“That’s it! You want me to give you money. So that you can buy a BEER!”

We understood each other. We. UNDERSTOOD. each other.

“No, I don’t do that sort of thing.” And I walked away.

I spend an hour in the Museum of Medieval Torture Devices. What a fucking trip. The virgin of normandy? Holy crap! The Spanish Tickler? Get me out of here! And the impalers? I almost threw up.

The most ingenious were probably the spiked collars. They had spikes around the collar, but the catch was that they also had handcuffs on short chains around the wrists. As the arms tired and involuntarily lowered, the spikes on the collar would pierce the throat, killing the victim.

The worst of all was the handsaw. Oh. My. God. They’d hang someone upside down, spread their legs…*swallows*…and saw them, between their legs, up the middle.

Anyway. I also did some quick tours of Wenceslas Square and Old Town. I marveled at the Eastern European women. The only experience I have with Eastern European women is from Scorpions videos and low-budget porno downloads off of Kazaa. They look pretty much like you would think they would. Colorful scarves, with acid-washed jeans, boots, and callico hair. They are also devastatingly georgeous. Full-figured, with sharp cheeks, piercing eyes, and long legs. I’ve noticed that ethnic women (ie non-americans) tend to have very sharp features, which either makes them beautiful or shockingly ugly. I think all of our cultural mixing in American serves to help us meet in the middle. Americans as a whole have much softer features, I think. Not as breathtaking, but not as ugly. We’re a composite, if you will.

I really like the spirit of this place, and I LOVE my hostel, except for the fact that they’re out of locks for the locker. “Oh, we’re all out. Ha ha ha!” “Yes. Ha ha.” And just try finding a hardware store in Prague. The word for hardware probably has 28 letters, and this is a language that I really don’t have a clue about.

The center of town, with its winding labyrinth of buildings and streets, is particularly cool. I imagine Venice and certain cities in Spain to be laid out similarly.

Guess I’ll find out!

Its 4:00 now, so I’m going to get a slight buzz at the hostel bar, and then meet couchsurfers Craig and Olga for a beer at a new pub. The beer here is fucking fantastic. Dry and increasingly complex with every sip.

Hooray beer!

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