Germans

(editors note: I ended up marrying a German, so, the lesson as always: I’m an idiot)

Germans.

Those gold medal in gymnastics winning, world war losing, aryan race loving, sauerkraut eating, ugly language having, shit on each other in pornos filming, accordion playing motherfuckers.

I just didn’t have it last night. I really wanted to go out, because, let’s face it. I am a drinker. That’s what I do. And Prague is one of the world’s great drinking centers. I should be drinking. All day. And yet, I was too worn out from the night prior.

So, I hung out in the hostel bar until about midnight, had three beers (for five bucks), and called it a night. I was just falling asleep when they came in.

Two German bitches.

I’ve traveled enough to know that there are only a few rules for hostels. First and foremost, from midnight to noon, spend as little time in the room as possible unless you are sleeping.

These German bitches tried to keep quiet, bless their hellbound souls, but instead just talked in a loud whisper the whole time. They unpacked everything, put on makeup, brushed their teeth, turned the light on and off.

I was up and couldn’t get back to sleep. To make matters worse, all this Czech food has given me terrible gas. The last thing I wanted to be in the hostel was “That guy who farted all night”, so I just held it in. Of course, that didn’t exactly help me get to sleep. And the sharp pains in my legs from walking around all day were no picnic either.

I woke up again at 10:30. Those bitches, having slept peacefully all night long, were up and adam, brushing their teeth in the room, talking, trying on clothes, laughing their horsey laughs.

I hate them.

To make matters worse, it just keeps getting colder here. Its raining today, and my legs are sore from walking around. I tried to find the Communist Museum, but I think it closed due to lack of interest, which I find ironic.

I don’t think there’s anything left in Prague for me to see. I was going to take a daytrip to a small town outside of Prague which has a cathedral whose interior is entirely made of human bones, but I woke up too late, and am too tired. Those Germans took that from me.

I hate them.

Is that a coldsore?

Okay, now I know it sounds like I’m complaining a lot, and that I’m not appreciating the opportunity that I have, but those of you who know me well know that I love to rant. I am still having a good time, and am planning on having a very good night in Prague, if I have to use every ounce of my will to do it. When you’re tired in a strange city, the loneliness tends to come out. You think about home, your bed, your dog, and how its 30 degrees out and your legs hurt.

But this is what its about. If I wanted a pleasure cruise, I would have gone to Aruba. Every negative experience tells you more about who you really are.

Tomorrow, I fly out to Barcelona. Two nights ago, one of the Czech’s at my table boasted, “Czech Republic has greatest transportation system in world!”

“Is that so? So, what’s the best way to get to the airport on Friday?”

“You have to, uh, take bus.”

“I see.”

So, hopefully, I won’t get too lost. Some things I’ve noticed about the Czechs

They get up for old people on the bus. Without question. There is reverence for the old. And it makes sense, because I’ve never seen any group of women decline in looks faster than Czech women. Its amazing. The young women? So hot. Like all of them. All hot. Even the ugly ones are hot.

But after about 38? None of them are hot at all. No one smiles. Maybe its the food, the cold weather, the Communism. Its hard to say.

They like McDonalds. A lot.

They hate gypsies (I have only had one gypsy encounter thus far. I was walking outside drunk at 2 in the morning and this old fat women came up to me, grabbed my crotch, jiggled it and said, in a husky East German accent, “How much I suck you dick? I suck you dick. How much I suck you dick?”

“Um, no thank you. But I believe my companions, Alex and Rob, were just talking about how they wanted someone to suck their dicks.”

Yesterday, I toured the Prague Castle. Really impressive. Its like a city within a city. I’m too tired to describe it, but maybe someday you can ask me about it over beers, and I’ll explain it as best I can.

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